// I have tried, in my way, to be free//

That’s EXACTLY it. Far away jobs are both exhilarating and terrifying. Vancouver would be awesome, but man, that’s far away. Gatineau and Montreal would be great places to work - you speak French, right?
I also got interviewed for a job in Alert. If I go, it will be the most exhilarating and terrifying thing I’ve done in my life.